The first time I realized that I didn't make friends easily was in sixth grade when I switched over to a completely different county than my elementary school friends. I walked into school without a single person to talk to. Over time, I befriended a few girls. But none of them compared to my best friend, let's call her Courtney. I thought I would be friends with Courtney for the rest of my life. I imagined us going through middle school, high, and college together. But as close as I wanted us to be, I knew we could never reach that level of friendship because, even though she was my very best friend, I wasn't hers. She never failed to remind me that I was her "best friend at school" and that another girl, Dakota, was her real best friend. Whenever she would say that, I would pretend that I was still friends with my ex best friend, Angie, who I hadn't even talked to since elementary school.
I haven't spoken to or even seen Courtney since eighth grade. And over the those three awkward middle school years we went from best friends to master shade throwers to "I'm genuinely over it" to cordial acquaintances to almost friends to what we are now--nothing; just parts of each others' pasts that don't matter now and will be a distant memory in 20 years. Even though my relationship with Courtney didn't stick, the rejection she gave me did. It manifested in my struggle with being close, but not close enough with people. I'll be afraid to admit, even just to myself, how close I feel I am to a friend because I worry that they won't see me in the same light. But when I find myself in that mindset I remind myself that you don't have to be someone's "best friend" to be an important part of their life. And they don't have to be yours either. One of the most valuable parts of life is the experience of making friends. And even if you're an introvert or generally reserved with strangers (like me), it feels really amazing to have a strong bond with someone, a friend, who understands you. If we worry too much about being someone's best friend or them being ours, we might miss out on the beautiful friendship that could have been. We get different things from different relationships. You might bring your problems to one person and your funny stories to another. And I think that's okay. You can't expect to be everything for everyone. If you have a friend who constantly remind you that you are not as important as other people in their lives, especially if their comments make you feel insignificant or unimportant as a person, they might not be your real friend.
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Hi!My name is Michayla. I serve as a reporter for my school newspaper, The Chant. You should check it out :) Archives
May 2018
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